


Crazy Fool's Love Running

by baekkieony



Series: Drowning Alive [11]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cancer, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluffy, How Do I Tag, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Jongin Needs a Hug, Love, M/M, Not, Not Beta Read, Plot Twists, Sorry Not Sorry, Timeline What Timeline, What Have I Done, What Was I Thinking?, angsty, dying, help me, i tried to be creative but i failed, lol this is literal shit, really something new and creative, sekai - Freeform, top fluffy, wow someone dies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-08 19:04:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12871038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baekkieony/pseuds/baekkieony
Summary: What if the price for a good today is a bad yesterday and a worse tomorrow?





	Crazy Fool's Love Running

**Author's Note:**

  * For [my (suck ass) best friend](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=my+%28suck+ass%29+best+friend).



> this is shit i wrote at like 3am, because i was so scared of my exam and my depressions striked back. feel free to yell at me; i love attention

Today is a good day.

Today.

Today has to be a good day.

Good days.

Today.

Tomorrow will be a good day.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow has to be a good day.

Good days.

Tomorrow.

 _Yesterday was a bad day_ , Jongin thinks.

_Yesterday._

He strokes over soft skin, white flesh and blonde hair.

Yesterday has to be a bad day.

Bad days.

Yesterdays.

Wind is howling through the window and Jongin wants to drown himself alive. He sees it running, running away, time, fleeing, never stopping, but neither moving.

Bad days.

Todays.

Today had to be a good day.

Jongin's sight blurs; he's standing and going and he's taking the time with him; leaving the room and leaving him, to close the door with Jongin even if time's door has closed a long time ago for Sehun.

Tomorrows.

There are no tomorrows to be good days.

Jongin knows it's too late when he's lighting up the cigarette, too late for him and for Sehun, because Jongin smokes the time Sehun doesn't have. It's curling and swirling, blurring Jongin's yesterdays to let Sehun's tomorrows fade.

Today.

Today isn't a good day.

__________________________

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow will be better.

 _Tomorrow will be a good day,_ Jongin hopes and is taking a drag from his cigarette. He's blowing out time when the smoke is curling in the cold winter air in front of him and he asks himself if Sehun loves the winter as much as Jongin loves it.

Maybe Jongin should know if Sehun loves the winter. Because, you know, they've been together for a long long time.

Maybe Jongin should know if Sehun loves music or dancing. Because, you know, it wasn't always like this.

Maybe Jongin should know if Sehun would like to visit disney land. Because, you know, Jongin loves Sehun after all.

Maybe Jongin should know.

But maybe cancer shouldn't have been so fast, too.

Life's unfair, that's what time has taught him, because it's never enough even when you should be satisfied.

Today.

Today is a good day.

Today has to be a good day.

Jongin closes his eyes and a tear is running down his cheek, because he doesn't know if there'll be a tomorrow he can call a good day.

When he strokes over soft skin, white flesh and blonde hair, it's cold and icy.

__________________________

Yesterday.

Yesterday was a good day.

Yesterday.

Sehun doesn't have a yesterday.

But he's also not supposed to have a tomorrow.

Jongin would like a last sentence from him, something like "I love you too", but it'll never come.

 _Life is a bitch,_ Jongin decides.

Jongin closes Sehun's eyes and presses a small kiss to his cheek.

 _Yesterday was a good day_ , Jongin sighs and he's closing his eyes, too, so maybe it hurts a little bit less.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow won't be a good day.

It's a bitter goodbye Jongin has for Sehun when he turns around and leaves.

__________________________

The air is sticky when Jongin snaps out of his sleep, sweaty in his pj's. His head is filled with smoke or time and he's in panic, doesn't know what to do first.

Then he reaches next to him, grabs the sheet, fingers itching to find out if he's there and when he feels soft skin, he sighs and relaxes, because, hell, it was only a dream.

He wipes the sweat of his forehead and tries to go back to sleep.

Sehun wakes him in the morning with a cup of coffee, face bright, eyes not sleepy like Jongin's are and Sehun seems like the reincarnation of perfectness in this moment. Sehun always looks like the reincarnation of perfectness.

When Jongin takes the cup of coffee, Sehun smiles and bends down to wipe a small drop from Jongin's lip only to press a soft kiss on it after. Jongin has to smile back and the nightmare is forgotten immediately, like always.

Sehun also smiles when they go back to bed together in the evening and when Jongin closes his eyes, he feels like he missed this smile a lot.

Maybe because he hasn't seen it in a while.

Maybe because Sehun isn't always happy.

 _Today was a good day,_ Jongin decides and it feels like he has said this sentence way more often for it to doesn't feel like a lie.

__________________________

The sound of his alarm is ringing him out of sleep and he's sticky with sweat when he tries to stroke his hair out of his face. His eyes are itching and crusty with sleep, maybe also red, but Jongin can't explain why.

He sleepily gets up to make coffee for him and Sehun and also bread, like every morning, because Sehun likes to sleep longer than he should, even when he has to get up for work early. Sun rays are falling through the window and are dancing on the table in a play of light. Jongin silently decides that they remember him of Sehun, because they're as ethereally beautiful as Sehun is.

Jongin smiles when he thinks about how Sehun would grumble when Jongin wakes him up in the next five minutes and he already feels how this is going to be a good day.

Jongin knows it's not when he goes into the bedroom and sees that the bed is empty.


End file.
